I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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