You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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