I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
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I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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