We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
