Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
