omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you made out with another girl for some wings
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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