Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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