Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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