ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
