dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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