i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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