I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
