Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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