You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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