Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
