How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
