i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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