Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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