Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
