I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
