I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Randomize