Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
