Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
