they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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