woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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