it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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