Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
