I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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