did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
