I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
