stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
