Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night