i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
