my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
