..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
