I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
