due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
