marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
