those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
