how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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