I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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