no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
