Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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