life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Come on in and take your pants off
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