i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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