My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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