Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
