I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
