How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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