i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
