best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
