Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
