Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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