So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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