I CAN MOONWALK!
Your dad touched me again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
