I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
