Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
