it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize