His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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