When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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