i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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