I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
there is puke in my bra ... again
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