actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
