some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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