There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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